"Hedge trimming" your children

I have been walking each morning for the last 2 days. I live in an area that has some beautiful manicured gardens and some not quite so manicured yet still beautiful gardens.

I was looking at some hedges around the area and realised something that relates to my calling as mama. The hedges that looked the best were compact and no big gaps in the greenery. Others were shaped but had obviously been left for quite a while before being trimmed back, probably with a trimmer in a "hacking" manner. The end result was that the shape was good in a superficial way but it didn't have a good "body" to it.

Training my kids works in a similar way. If I leave teaching and guiding them until they are "scraggly" and overgrown with bad habits I can "train" them back to the right shape, usually with a bit of "hacking" but they aren't whole with good "body". There will be gaps in our relationship where I have to prune roughly just to get the shape to look right. If I instead prune gently and pay attention to when a "branch" or habit is starting that could lead to a really straggly shape/character, then my "hedge" will have better shape and will look good with strong structure/character under the good looks.

When I have let some bad habits creep in I need to remember to gently prune them away, bit by bit, consistently. If I try to "hack" my kids into shape when I have let things get out of hand I will damage the end result, ending up with a character that is hole-y and not as strong as it could be, even though the shape looks good and our relationship will suffer.

Now to figure out how to stop one child from being bossy and another being a complainer. Ah, the joys of motherhood, one of the hardest jobs on earth, but the rewards are immense.

My 11yo does our shopping!

Inspired by a BBC show, Boys and Girls Alone, I allowed my 11.5yo son to do up a menu plan for this week and to do the grocery shopping through an online service while sticking to a budget. He did very well, juggling how many treats and what treats to get for his younger brother's upcoming birthday as well as meeting our family's needs such as TP and tissues in this season of colds and snuffly noses.

I have 4 boys and the long term plan is that by the time they leave home they will be fully confident in cooking at least 5 different types of main meals, 3 desserts, baking of biscuits and cakes and be able to do all that on a budget. I do not want to send my kids off to University (which is likely to be in another town) without these essential skills.

We do our children a great disservice by doing things for them. With our training from a young age they can go through the teenage years and into adulthood with confidence in their ability to look after themselves, and to share in the load of making a home with flat mates and in the future with a wife, and hopefully children.

I do not want them coming home to get their washing done. I do not want to be cooking all day long to feed hungry teenage boys. They are adults in the making and adults should be able to be independant, but that depends a lot on the training I do now.

Best wishes
Jen in Oz

My views on some books I am reading.

I am currently reading a couple of books in tandem. I can't seem to just read one at a time.

I am slowly reading my way thoroughly through Raising Godly Tomatoes by L. Elizabeth Krueger. I have read her ideas for quite some time but haven't really felt confident I could implement them. Now I have reached the point in my life where I have realised that I really need to study those who are further along in this journey of parenting. Doing it on my own, my way, is not going so well. (wry grin!)

I am quite an introvert and the thought of having 4 children right under my feet as I "tomato stake" them was overwhelming. Now though I am realising that I do myself and them a disservice by not training them and I need to be near them at all times to really train them well. The things that bug me as an introvert could also be the things that will hold them back socially in the future so I am trying to teach them to not endlessly and mindlessly chatter. I am training them to not interupt each other and to also think though what they want to say before they say it so their communication is clear. It is only early days but I am hopeful.

Check out here to read more on Elizabeth's ideas.

Another book I am reading is How to be Comfy by Shannon Lush and Jennifer Fleming. This is an Australian publication and while I thought it would be great to read something more local I am finding it just doesn't have much guts.

I have a couple of other books I have read on making a house a home. My favourite would be Designing Your Home on a Budget by Emilie Barnes and Yoli Brogger. There are some great designing tips in there and I have enjoyed gradually changing my home from functional to functional and pretty. Smart Organising by Sandra Felton (at time of posting was only US$2.99, $10 off RRP) was a big help too in changing from clutter to more functional. Home Sweeter Home by Jann Mitchell was more about creating a home that was filled with spirit. It was my first book and I have kept it despite buying it many years ago and since reading many more books in the same vein.

Anything by Emilie Barnes is good for those starting out but as a Type A personality there just wasn't much in her books that I haven't already implemented on my own with personal inspiration.

While on the topic of making a house a home, it seems to me that once we are comfortable within our space we will hopefully be more comfortable inviting others in to share that space. A Life That Says Welcome by Karen Ehman is an awesome book on how to be confident in being hospitable. Her book really makes me feel that I don't have to have it all designer magazine perfect, but comfort and the spirit of hospitality is more important. A great read!

By the way, most of the above books were purchased from ChristianBook, although not are available there now. That place is dangerous, in a good way, for those of us who love books. Their shipping prices to Australia are good, and they have always delivered quite quickly too. They carry loads of great books, even homeschool curriculum. Ahh, yes, a dangerous place!! lol

Best wishes
Jen